N I M B Y

I am the innocent victim of the modern age. Caught up in the cross fire of a Nineties epidemic and a Noughties cure. I've witnessed something cruel and inhuman, and I can't understand how people could fall for it.

It is currently a 6:30am and my morning has already been disrupted, if not ruined. How? Bootcamp. Yes, the new fad in losing weight passed through my neighborhood this morning. Right outside my window in fact. I was woken to a girl screaming at her charges to keep it going, to keep it up. Unfortunately she wasn't calling any of them maggots, nor did she question any of their sexuality, I would have liked this, even enjoyed it.

I'm all for people trying to get fit and whatever, and I'd even thought about Boot Camps because they seem like something kind of fun and something that will get you outside in the fresh air. Plus, apart from your local BDSM Mistress, where else do you pay good money to put yourself through a bit of pain while being yelled at?

So my experience of Boot Camp, what I got to see was a group of about 20 people all wearing the same shirt run up and down a set of stairs for a few minutes whilst being yelled at by two banshees from the top and bottom of the staircase. Some of them were carrying canvas school bags. The ones doing all of the yelling were wearing black coloured shirts.

If it had been a bit later in the day I might have even enjoyed it. I could have gotten myself a cup of tea and some toast and eaten out on the patio. If I'd been really lucky maybe the dog could have terrorised them too.

I almost hope they come back.