He Who Makes A Beast Out Of Himself Gets Rid Of The Pain Of Being A Man

I'm drunk in front of the computer and that is never a good thing.

I've been drinking by myself in the afternoon and this is never a good thing.

I've been smoking and this is never a good thing.

I've been looking at watches from my birth year and this is never a good thing.

I've drunk about 9 beers now and I don't really know why. I finished work a little bit early today and have tried to make the most of it. Well, not really. All I've tried to do is buy a carton of beer and then hang out by myself. I've definately succeeded in that.

So why am I doing this now? Especially after my previous post about finding myself and finding my goals?

I don't know.

I know that I've been thinking about those goals, and I've been thinking about what I want to happen. That's a good thing. I've also come to the realisation that I need to start taking more control of things.

I'm not happy about some things that are going on at the moment.

I like my job. I think that it's a great one, I think that it's important, and I think that I am good at it. I am not happy about the renumeration that I receive for the work that I do. I am not happy about the lack of opportunity that my work provides. I am not happy about doing something for someone that doesn't understand what is involved with what I do.

Jeepers creepers.

Lunch time today and I was my normal self. Now it's 4 hours later and I'm fucking drunk and having all these thoughts going through my head. It seems that what I want and what I am doing are not the same thing. Well, it's possible that they are the same thing. I just need to change some of the influencing factors. I need to stand up for myself again.

Shit. Maybe I'm just drunk.

Maybe not though. Maybe I need to start making the future happen for me again. Maybe I need to stop doing work for other people who don't appreciate it. Maybe I need to start being my own person again.

Anyways,

I've sewn up a gig for 6 months from June to July. It's housesitting for a family that I know. They are traveling to England to visit relatives for 6 weeks and I am going to look after their castle. Their place is in East Brisbane, in Edgar Street. Opposite the Lord Stanley Hotel.

I'm looking forward to this time already. I want to do something for myself again. It will be good.

I want to make something my own. I want to be in control again. I don't want to have to be concerned with other people's interests.

Blah.

Wasted.