My Name Is Inigo Montoya

I'm back in Australia now. I had a great trip.

Wanaka = Beautiful

Treble Cone = Beautiful

Cardrona = Fun

Queenstown = Tourist Destination

Nevis Bungee = Intense

The Remarkables = Rocky


Actually, this is a really lazy way of doing things, so I am going to stop. I'll try and write down a bit of what has happened since I last posted, in the hopes of saving some of these memories for prosperity.

After picking up my board from the tuning shop I saw some trout in a stream that was running through Wanaka which was pretty exciting. At least I thought that it was. Apparently Ria doesn't get as excited by seeing fish in streams, but that's her loss. After this it was time to get some groceries and then head back to the hotel. We ate some cheese and biscuits and caviar and jelly beans and I drank some beers which was a nice mix. I don't think that we did much else that night. I'm pretty sure we crashed.

Next morning we packed up and checked out. We were off to Cardrona and were picked up by one dude, dropped off somewhere in town and left there. We waited around for a while and then jumped on another bus. I'm pretty sure that it was the wrong bus, from the wrong company, but we got to the right mountain in the end. The drive out to Cardrona took a little bit longer, and there was some angry young dude on the bus with us. I'm pretty sure that he was angry because he couldn't quite get his gear to match. He had urban camouflage outer wear on his body, but on his head he had a jungle camouflage helmet and goggles. I would have been angry too. How dare Mum and Dad make me look like a dork on the mountain! We also passed about a hundred metres of fence where there were numerous bras hung on the wires. Most of them looked a little bit worse for wear, and I worry that if anyone were to try one on, they would need to have a tetanus shot in case they were stabbed by the underwire.

Cardrona was a fantastic mountain. Plenty of terrain, a good variety of runs, not too busy, great views and just a lot of fun. I really like riding there, but eventually it all came to an end and it was time to get onto the bus with Grant (it rhymed with Aunt). He was a funny dude. At the end of the ride he told us how he was looking forward to spending time with his girlfriend, Samantha. He took us down to Queenstown which was about an hour and a half away. The drive was pretty spectacular, but I guess that's New Zealand for you.

It's been five years since I was last in New Zealand, and it has certainly grown out a lot. I seem to recall it being nowhere near as big or developed as it now. I guess it really has become a destination with a lot of money coming in from overseas. Anyways.

We checked into Rydges in Queenstown and showered then headed out onto the town. It was a Friday night, and everywhere was pretty busy, but none probably more so than the Lonestar, which is where Ria and I had decided to chow down. Undaunted by the 40 minute wait we grabbed a seat at the bar where we were continually jostled by all the people cramped in waiting for a table to open up. Whilst there we spoke a bit of shit to some old Kiwi about the rugby match the following night and he told us that he was going to the game and that we'd need good luck. Fortunately because there was only the two of us a table opened up in a lot less than the time forecast, and we were able to slot into a table reasonably quickly. Our waiter for the evening was a crazy Maori dude in some sort of Hawiian shirt who wrote down nothing, but got everything right. He acted a little bit like what I imagine an acid casualty Kamikaze pilot would be like. I don't know why. I think that it had something to do with the look in his eye and his need to shout everything in short sharp phrases. It was interesting. Anyways, we both had a steak and it was phenomenal. It had a tomato with it that tasted unlike any other tomato I've ever tasted, if every tomato tasted like this one I think that they would be my favourite fruit/vegetable (whichever it is). The whole meal and experience was tops. Afterwards we waddled back to the room for the night.

It had been decided the night before that we weren't going to go riding that day, and were going to go bungee jumping that day instead. I'd said to Ria that I was only going to go bungee jumping if we did the biggest one, and, like a trouper, she agreed. So, the next day we organised that and then headed out to kill some time until the bus left to take us to the launch site a 2 o'clock. We found a nice little cafe down by the lake that had a fantastic mural painted on the roof. There we ordered a "Big Daddy" breakfast. This was a bit of a mistake. I don't think that I've ever seen a breakfast as large come from a cafe before. It was like the big breakfast from Fatboy's doubled. It was huge. Sausages, half a pig in bacon, tomato, mushrooms and onion, two eggs all lying on a bed of fries. Actually, I'm pretty sure that I've left something out, because it was way huge. I managed to get it all in after a bit of a struggle, but that was to be all I ate until much later that night. It really was big.

I can't exactly recall what happened after that. I think that my body was too busy trying to digest everything in my stomach that it was unable to store any memories from what occurred over the next few hours. I don't think that there was anything exciting.

Anyways, it soon came to be that we were on a bus and heading up a goat track to the place where we'd do the jump. The bus was playing some reggae funk type stuff and was driven by a dude who had a nametag that said Moo. Weird. We got there, got fitted into a harness and then shipped out by cable car to the "pod" that was suspended over the gorge by wire. It was pretty intense. The ride out was scary, the pod was scary, the glass floor of the pod was scarier. Inside the pod the music was blaring, the guys were getting the leg straps confused and chatting away. They told us to dive out, and not down and that we should be fine because we're Australians. We went in order of weight, and I ended up going third. I don't mind admitting that I was a little nervous, but mainly excited. Looking down through the floor was fun, but I wasn't game to walk on the glass bits. Not yet anyway. So my turn came around, I sat in the chair, they strapped me in and I waved to the camera. Then it was time to shuffle out to the little stage from where I would leap. This was probably the most nerve wracking part, because the dude has his hand on your back and keeps telling you to scuffle forward until your toes are over the edge. I don't know why, but at this point I was kind of worried about falling, even though everything was attached. I guess it's just a comfort thing, wanting to do things on your own terms, not tripping and falling out of the pod. I got to the edge, took a look down, brought my eyes back up, gripped my harness with my right hand (I was told to do this because of my sore shoulder), took a deep breath and then dove out. It feels like flying. You see the ground rushing towards you, you feel the bungee begin to slow you down and then you feel yourself stop. Then you start going back up again. At this point I found it to be very peaceful and it was nice to look around and take in what had just happened, what I had just done and where I now was. On your second bounce they get you to release the line attached to your feet, and they haul you back up in the upright position in your original harness. Good times.

There was sixteen of us jumping. Most went through it without a hassle. One Korean guy sort of fell out, he went to jump, but didn't and then his knees gave way. It looked pretty bad. One other Korean guy was psyching himself up by slapping himself in the face. He was full on, I guess he didn't have the option of chickening out, because his girlfriend did it before him. Ria eventually got up to give it a go. She was cool as a cucumber. The only thing that she was concerned about was that she wouldn't be able to release the leg line and would have to be hauled up feet first. Watching her jump I was actually a little bit nervous. I was kind of thinking to myself what if something does go wrong? This was my idea, I paid for it, and now I'll have to tell her parents. Oh shit. But she was fine. Although she was right to be concerned about being able to release the tie, and was brought up feet first. Watching her, I couldn't help but be reminded of those chickens you see hanging up by their feet in shop windows in Chinatown. I don't think that she appreciates the analogy.

Afterwards we were both pretty pumped and the Bledisloe was on that night, so we decided to grab something to eat and then watch the footy in a pub somewhere. I'd been dying to have a Fergburger from the moment we arrived in New Zealand. So we had one. I had my first Fergburger at about 5 am on a chilly September morning in 2001. I was thorougly intoxicated at the time having drunk a lot in a nearby hole in the wall bar. Back then Fergburger was just a hole in the wall establishment itself, hidden away down an alleyway in the back streets of Queenstown. Using a drunken man's innate ability to find food I tracked it down and was astounded as to the quality of the burger. It was some of the most satisfying booze food I have ever had, and to this day there is not much that tops it. So you can understand why I was keen to get back. Fergburger has grown in the past five years, much in the same way as Queenstown, in fact you could say that the changes are parallel to that of the city. Fergburger has now become an icon with a new address on the mainstreet. It had 8 employees working when I was there and a 15 minute wait on all burgers. You were able to purchase beers and fries with aioli to enjoy with your burger. Thankfully the quality of the burger was still there, and it was extremely satisfying. I reccommend it.

I'm kind of getting bored with writing now, so I'll continue this saga later. There was an incident that happened right at the end of the trip that I am still angry about, and it takes a lot to get me cranky. Last night I lay in bed thinking about the incident, and I could feel the heat rising in me again. In fact, it's happening now.