Idle Hands

I think that it was the beautiful weather that we experienced again that was the cause. The effect? I was seriously fucking bored at work today. It was really horrible. I kept looking out the window all day. Walking around, making endless cups of tea. Talking to no-one in particular. Trying to pay my phone bill. Hoping that someone will walk through the door to make the time pass a bit quicker. And that was just in the morning. I think that I'd completed everything that I wanted to do by about 10 o'clock. After that there was nothing.

I stalked the hallways for a while. Cleaned up a little bit of graffiti on our sign. Made a robotic dancing chicken dance. 10 times. I just wanted to be outside. I wanted to be at the beach. Or in a park. Or having lunch somewhere. Or getting drunk in a beergarden. Or even driving around in a truck or something. Feeling the wind in my hair and the sun on my skin. I wanted to do something. But I couldn't. So I was really fucking bored.

I was so bored that I did something I really regret. I found a packet of balloons, so I blew one of them up. It was quite a large balloon, and I blew it up until I couldn't blow any further. This made me a little light headed and short of breath, it also left me with a huge balloon in my hand. What do you do with a balloon when you're bored? Well, first I batted it around with my hand. Then I headbutted it up into the air. Then I passed it back and forth. Then I ran my hands over it stretching the rubber out and making a fairly annoying noise. This kept me entertained for approximately a minute. Then I looked around to see what else I could find. And what did I find in my noticeboard? A pin. Uh oh.

So I did what I had to do, I blew the balloon up. It made a huge noise on account of it being such a massive balloon. It echoed up and down the corridors because I was inside. It was really loud. So loud in fact that a whole class of kids came out to see what the big bang was. One of the staff members even jumped for cover. I thought that this was pretty fun, and I thought that I'd have to do it again.

So I blew up another balloon. It was just as large as the first. The skin of the balloon was as taut. The pin was still sharp. I took this second balloon out into the front playground where the younger children are. On my way I wondered aloud how many children I could make cry with my big balloon.

Once outside I stood there to get a couple of kids attention. Then I held the balloon aloft with one hand. Next I brought the hand holding the pin in a great arc up to the balloon. Bang.

3 kids started screaming. Apparently one of the little tykes has a phobia of balloons. He screamed for about half an hour. I felt really bad. I don't think that he'll say hello to me in the morning.