Love Is A Number

So now it's Wednesday night and it already feels like it's been a long week. What hope do we have? I laid turf on Monday. Tuesday I walked the dog. Today I spoke to prospective new parents.

Actually, after writing it down, it doesn't really seem all that big? But why am I so tired?

The new parents that I spoke to today live most of their lives in Ethiopa. The mother works for an agency that helps land mine victims. The father works for an NGO that rebuilds infrastructure. Interesting people. Extremely interesting people. They are back in Australia so that the mother, who is Irish, can have their third child. What a life these people lead.

I was talking to the father about he got to be involved in the work that he is doing. He told me that he was backpacking in London when he saw an ad in one of the Australian street papers over there that was advertising for positions in construction. He thought to himself, "Why not?" and applied for the job. Twelve years later he was still there. Adventure.

What else has happened today? I've had three different people tell me that the turf that I laid on Monday needs to be rollered a few times over the coming weeks. Somebody has offered me a roller to use over the coming few weeks.

There's not really too much to tell.

My friend Nicholas is heading overseas tomorrow. I'm going to meet up with him at the pub in a little bit. I need to have some dinner first. I started early.

I'm going to miss Nick. He is somebody that brings a degree of drama to the most mundane of undertakins. There are things that happen to this man that you would not imagine. Could not imagine. You would not believe him, except they happen so often, even while you're in his presence, that you can do nothing but look in disbelief and shake your head.

This afternoon I watched the movie Drumline. It was shit.

I'm having steak for dinner. I'm going to have mashed potatos. Both idaho and sweet. It will be good. I'm thinking about having some greens as well. Beans? Peas? Whatever.

I don't really fucking care at the moment. It's Wedneday and I don't even fucking know what's going on. I'm smoking. I'm drinking. It's raining. I'm sad. I know why, but I don't know why now? There were parts of today that were good. There were parts of today that were shit.

I'm going to make tomorrow a great day.

Orange Charger

So it's been ages again since I last updated. I don't know why. I guess a lack of time?

This is proving to be a bit of a difficult post to write. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm pretty tired today. And I've drunk a couple of beers. The beer usually makes me want to write and write and write. But not tonight. Tonight it is just sending me to sleep.

Friday night I had to get out of the house. There were a few of my Mum's friends over to go through her clothes and things. To see if there was anything here that they would like to keep. Either as mementos or just to wear. I thought that it was going to be a little bit heavy, and I didn't really want to be here for it. So I wasn't. I'm not opposed to the idea, I think that it's a good one. I just didn't want to be present, I sort of felt that it would be a little bit morbid. I'm not too sure how the night went, but I'm glad that I wasn't around for it.

So in order to get out of the way for the night I took Ria up on her offer to head off to Woodgate, the place that we spent Easter at this year. Her parents were there again for the start of the school holidays, so we headed off on Friday night so that I wouldn't have to drive there in one hit on the Saturday morning. We got as far as Gympie and checked into a motel there. I think that it was called the Hilltop Motel. It fulfilled our needs. They even had an excitable dog called Molly. She was a Shih tzu Maltese cross. We had Brodies for dinner. I got excited when I saw that you could buy 10 chicken wings for $3. When they were I handed to me I noticed that the bag was extremely cold. That wasn't what I expected. Still, I rolled with the punches and took them with me. They were actually pretty good for cold wings.

A Fish Called Wanda was on the television that night.

Ria and I woke early on Saturday morning and hit the open road fairly early. We hadn't had breakfast and were searching for a service station at which we could buy our breakfasts. We were searching for a Mobil in particular. Unfortunately we didn't find it. We did find a fish and chip shop that was open though. The guy in there cooked us some breakfast. Ria had bacon, eggs, tomato and toast. I had toasted ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches. I also had a serve of chips. The guy seemed to pour his heart and soul into our meals. He looked like he really tried hard. It was pretty good. I was disappointed that mine hadn't been cut in to smaller triangles. He had made only the one diagonal cut. Ria's was okay. The tomato was cut a little thick for her liking though. We each had a large mug of coffee. I was destined to stay awake for a while. Seeing as I was driving, this was a good thing.

Last time I went to Woodgate I forgot to pack my toothbrush. Do you know what I forgot to pack again this time? You're right. My toothbrush. I wasn't upset about this though, because I bought a toothbrush from the service station near the Woodgate turnoff. And it's a great toothbrush. And now I had an excuse to get a new one, because my old one was starting to look like a shaggy dog. My old one was lime green. My new one is orange. It's fucking sick.

Ria and I arrived safely at Woodgate around 10:30 I think. It was just as I remembered. A beautiful part of the world. Very relaxing. It was good to see Ria's family again. We just hung out all day. Down on the beach. Under the shade of a tree. Reading books. Swimming. Reading magazines from last year. Good times.

Later on in the afternoon Ria's cousin's arrived and this was good too. Those boys have a lot of energy.

For dinner we went up to the pub and had a steak. I had several beers. It was good. We walked home and I went to bed.

Next morning I woke up and ate some pineapple for breakfast. Then I walked with Ria up the beach. And then back again. On the walk she collected some shells and I tracked some mystery animal. We tried to guess whethere the tide was coming in or out. It was coming in. It was lovely.

This was all before 9:30.

At 10 am the inaugral Woodgate Markets kicked off. Apparently they will be held on the last Sunday of every month if anyone's interested. Apart from some nice seafood and vegetables, the rest of the items on sale was crap, or close to it. It was on the grounds of the pub though, so I guess you could just get drunk. Whatever.

After scoping out the markets it was time for another swim. It was terrific. After the swim we air-dried whilst reading in the shade on the beach. It was lovely.

I know that I harp on a bit about how it was all lovely, and nice and relaxing, but I can't stress how relaxing it really was. I could have stayed all week. It would have been great. There's nothing to do, and there's no-one there and it's fantastic. Just really nice.

For lunch we had prawn sandwiches and then, unfortunately, it was time for Ria and I to pack our bags and head back home. So we did.

The trip home was almost uneventful. We listened to a Manpower compilation a couple of times. We stopped at the TramCars bakery in Gympie. Looked at some geese in Gympie. Got stuck in traffic near the Bribie Island turnoff and then finally made it home. A little tired, but still in one piece.

Louise, the director at the child care centre, is away on holidays for the next two weeks. This means that I have to pick up a few of her duties. That's okay though. One thing that was accomplished today, that isn't one of Louise's duties, was putting down new turf. My brother David did a great job, and I'm hopeful that this turf goes the distance. For a while at least. It was hot and hard work, but the lawns look great now. We just need to keep the kids off of them for the next few weeks and be diligent with our watering and they'll be good enough to host a grand final.

Tonight I have enjoyed a hot curry that my brother, Stuart, cooked. He says that there was no chilli in it, but it's a little bit spicy. Suspiciously spicy. I am now tired, and ready for bed. So I might go there soon. This will mean that I won't get to see Oz though. I think that I'll live.

Lava Balls

Oz was on television on Monday night. It is still awesome. Just when you think that something nice is going to happen to the inmates, something horrible happens.

So I'm racing against the clock this afternoon. I'm going over to my Nanna's place for a roast tonight. This is a little unusual because when we go over it's normally Friday night, but tonight isn't Friday, it's Wednesday. Apparently we're having lamb, so I've had to tell Tom Cruise that the date is off. He'll be okay. He's got a new baby to worry about.

It seems like at work there's a few relationships going down the gurgler. It's a bit sad. I'm not sure what it is. Whether it's people not realising what they're getting themselves into or more that divorce is too easy these days. Either way it's unfortunate. I'm not saying that single parent families don't do a fantastic job, because they do. I guess it's that old saying that two heads are better than one. In most cases.

There's been some songs on the radio that I've been liking a lot recently. There's that Nelly Furtado one, Maneater. There's also one by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Tell Me Baby is what it's called. I think. It's pretty rad. Alot of the recent RHCP stuff has sort of sounded like an amalgamation of all their old songs, but I don't think that this one does. Or it might. But I like it anyway.

I went for a walk on the floating walkway on the river yesterday afternoon. It was a lot of fun. Especially when the CityCats went past. I still think that they probably didn't need to build it, and some of the strapping that was used to keep it in place was a little worrying. I think that it's pretty neat, and it was great to see so many people using it for their daily commute, but I think that they probably shouldn't have built it. They certainly shouldn't have included the gateway for the two boats kept on the pontoons. That's ludicrous.

I was lying down on some grass at work today and I think that an ant bit me. It's a little sore, and I'm pretty sure that surrounding area is swollen. Them's the breaks though.

Oh, I like Muse's new album too.

Combination Style!

So I've been really slack recently and haven't been putting anything up. It's not for any real reason, I've just been slack. I could blame a few different things. Not being at home as much. My brother David playing WoW constantly. Not eating properly. Not having enough time. Not having anything of any real interest to put up. But that's just not true. And when have I ever had something of real interest to put up anyway?

So the fete was a smashing good time. To the hater out there who suggested that rain might wash out the festivities, you were wrong! It did rain, but it wasn't a big deal. Everything still went ahead as planned, so that was good. The only hiccup was with the placement of the barbecue. I suggested that underneath the awning wouldn't be the best place, but it was kept there. To start off with. Soon smoke was billowing down the hallways of the childcare centre. The damage had been done. The smoke was there to stay. It hung in a cloud just below the ceiling for a while. It eventually dissipated after the barbecue was moved out into the open air.

The mothers and grandmothers of the centre had been busy for a week by the look of the baked goods stall. There was literally hundreds of items. Biscuits, cakes, slices, brownies, macaroons, coconut ice. It was awesome. I stocked up on several items at the start of the day. What's the point in having a fete if you can't have your pick at the produce first? So that was terrific.

The trash and treasure stall was also well stocked. We had many different items. Toys, clothes, accessories. Most of it was for the under fives, and that was okay. At the end of the day almost everything in this stall was gone as well. The last of it we will donate to one of the charities. Lifeline? The Salvos?

So there was a few stalls. A lucky dip. Face painting. A few short performances from the rooms. Activities for the parents and their kids. A sausage sizzle (it was actually a sausage sissle because whoever was doing the sign stuffed it up).

One of the highlights was Johnny the Jester. He was a magician kind of guy. He had a dove. And a rabbit. Stu the Rabbit. Apparently he also had a snake, but I didn't get to see it. Leonie was lucky enough to see his snake. She said that I could have seen it if I wanted to. All I had to do was ask to see his snake, and he would have taken me into the office and shown me. Maybe I'll get lucky next time. It was a great show though, and I'd recommend him, even without his snake.

Eventually the good time of the mini fete had to come to an end though. When it did I was extremely proud of the work that Louise and the mothers of the parent's committee had put in. The day was an enormous success and it couldn't and wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for them. Even the cleaning up went smoothly. So now we know that it is possible, and we can do it again, and improve upon it. Did I mention that we had well over a hundred people come on down? And that we raised over $1200? Next year I think we'll have to get the South East Advertiser onto it. Ha!

So that was Sunday morning. Sunday afternoon was spent in bed as after all the excitement of the morning, I needed a bit of a lie down. There was still some excitement to be had that day though.

Sunday night was spent at Ribets with the Martells. It was good. I ate a lot of ribs. Not so much pizza. I was disappointed to see that the crazy lady who used to work there is no longer there. She was a very harried person. Or at least she looked it. You never know do you?

The other disappointing thing about Ribets was the discovery that Boggo Road jail is no longer there. I still remember when I was a boy and the inmates broke out of their cells but not out of the jail. What they did was climb up onto the roof. They spent a few days up there. So I don't think that the prison is still there.

Back to work on Monday. Everyone was still excited about the mini fete. The kids. The parents. The staff. It was nice.

I can't really recall too much else about that day.

Actually, the whole week is kind of hazy. I saw Kenny one night. Then my brother got punched up. We had a staff meeting. I hung out with Ria. I found out that swimming squad is no longer being conducted at the Coorparoo pool which really bummed me out. I'll have to find something else to do. Or somewhere else to go.

Friday night I tried to watch the movie The Grudge. I'd forgotten how much I dislike scary movies. At least the first time through. When I know what bad stuff is going to happen, I think that I become more okay with it. Only just though. So I actually missed quite a lot of the movie. I had my fingers in my ears and my eyes closed. I am a big wussy. I don't care. Did you know that a wussy is a mixture of a wimp and a pussy? You didn't? Well now you do. And you know I am one.

Saturday was a big day. I had sardines with tomato sauce on toast for breakfast with Ria. It was new and good. I took Ria to work then went home. At home I did some washing and then played around for a while. Killing some time. Then the rain started pouring. I was supposed to be meeting up at the Ship Inn for Nick and Stumpy's farewell. When I saw the rain coming down it disheartened me. I was really looking forward to drinking beers in the daytime with the sun and the world passing us by. It wasn't to be. After some complications with regard to the venue we ended up at the Pineapple. Once we were there we didn't leave for quite some time. We started off with a steak to give ourselves a chance for the coming onslaught. I survived the night. Others didn't. In fact, there were some early casualties. The toilets weren't the same after Nick had a shot. Someone else worked the urinal over. It was all class. I ran into an old face later in the night. David Sneddon. I spoke to him about something for quite a while. It was good.

Later on in the night I was talking more crazy bullshit with other people. I don't exactly recall what to who, but I know that at the death of the night I wasn't making sense. In true Nick style there was an altercation as he was leaving the hotel. Something about old men and walking frames. I'm going to miss the drama that Nick brings to life. His story has more twists than your better soap operas. He's an incredible guy to have around.

Sunday was a day of rest. I didn't feel so hot in the morning. I didn't feel so hot in the afternoon. I did start to feel better later in the evening. I had half a chicken from Nandos. That's about it.

Today has been a good day. I had an egg on toast for breakfast. Some coffee. Then I went to work. Work was fun. Some days everything just seems easy. Everyone seems friendly. Today was one of those days. It was great. The girl at the bakery had her birthday on the weekend. It went through til 8 in the morning. At 10:30 she had to go to her son's soccer break up.

Tonight we had a family meeting and it's interesting to see how they're working out now. There are still the same problems that have always been there. There are still the egos. There are still the hopeless pitched battles that descend into no result. Good times. People still pretending not to listen. No-one being willing to look at one another, half the time because they know that if they do they will break out into hysterics.

I'm excited that Oz is back on tonight. There's an Indian festival I'm pretty keen to go to on the weekend.

Too Many Frickin Scrums

I'm trying to download a few Sean Paul songs at the moment. There's something about not being entirely sure what he's singing that I like. I think.

This is going to be a bit of a disjointed post. I'm sorry about that, but that's the way that it's going to be. Not for any serious reason or anything, it's just that I'm a little bit tired and it's a Saturday night and I'm home alone and stuff.

So I went to the Broncos tonight with Joshua and a dude called Nath. It was good to go. It was not so good to see the Broncos go down in the way that they did, but that's footy. The transport to and from the game is extremely efficient though which is nice.

I went and ate at a BBQ Smokehouse type thing on Thursday night with Richard, Loren (Lauren?), Nick, Tom and Stumpy. It was great. There was a lot of meat. I ate it all. I had two different types of rib and some pork belly. There was also some buffalo wings. And coleslaw and chips. I felt very full for the next couple of days. It took a while for all that meat to be turned into manure, but I think that we're there now.

Last night was Friday night and I had a meal with Ria at Ouzeri down in West End. Some parts of the meal were great, like the whitebait. Some parts of the meal were not so great, like the salad. The problem with this particular Greek salad was that it looked like it had been prepared for lunch, or possibly dinner the night before. This is not a good thing.

Today I did alot of washing. I think that I did 4 loads or something. I don't know how I got lumped with it, just lucky I guess.

I also voted today. I think the best part of voting is the stalls that are set up at the schools for fundraising. I bought some very nice biscuits, some slice and something else. I think that somebody else has eaten the rest. That's the way it goes.

Tomorrow is the day of the mini fete at the child care centre. I'm interested to see how we go. I hope that it's a fun day and that everything runs smoothly. What could go wrong?

Too Much

I'm not too sure if what I wrote in the last post made a whole lot of sense. I haven't really had a chance to read it yet, and I'm a little worried that it's unintelligible. I really took the news about Steve Irwin hard. In fact, I took today off of work. That's not the only reason though, I've just been feeling run down and needed a little bit of time I think.

So last night I got a little loose. At one stage I was going to be heading out to Esk for a couple of days. I woke up this morning and changed my mind though. One thing that I did last night was to spill a glass of cordial on my sister's laptop. It wasn't working properly last night, and apparently it was still a little funny this morning, but now that it's afternoon and I've had a bit of a fiddle around with it. it's okay. That was a close shave.

I've been drinking alot of Ice Breaks recently. I don't know why. I think that it could be because I bought some cigarettes on Friday night and I've been smoking them and drinking the iced coffee. It's a good combo, but I still feel like shit afterwards. I'll give it away again I think.

My Dad is driving back from Mt Isa at the moment. He hasn't called or anything. I've tried to get in touch a couple of times, but someone told me that he left his phone behind. Not a good move. So I'm not too sure when he'll be back, but it could today, or it could be tomorrow. We'll just wait and see.

Not too much else is going on. Just hanging out. Trying not to think too much. I bought an NW magazine this morning and read that. It was pretty crap. It's always pretty crap. Nowhere near as good as Who. My problem with NW is that too many of the stories are just blatant lies. At least in Who they try to make it plausible. Oh well.

Crikey!

So I guess the big news of today is that Steve Irwin has died. I'm finding it to be upsetting. He was an incredible person, someone with such a zest and love of life, and it's tragic to think of the young family he has left behind to carry on without him. I would dearly love to be more eloquent on the issue, but I'll do the best that I can.

I feel a connection with Steve. He was a person that was could engage with anyone, and at the end of the conversation call them mate. During the conversation he would excite within the other person his own ideals through sheer force of will power. He had the charishma, drive and ideals to change the way that we think about the world in which we live. His work on the television shows only highlighted his neverending drive for conservation of our flora and fauna. He was a man with so much life within him, it is tragic for him to have passed at such a young age.

I visited the zoo earlier this year. All day I heard cries of "Will Steve be in today?" Everyone there wanted to have a chance to meet him. He was the driving force behind the zoo and it's mascot at the same time. Steve was involved in all aspects of how the zoo was run, even having a policy that if he was unable to pick up a random piece of fruit being fed to an elephant, then the elephant would not be eating the substandard fruit. He was a born leader. The amount of energy and drive that he brought to his activities is astounding. Steve Irwin worked tirelessly to raise awareness and to create conservation sanctuaries for habitats that were being endandgered by human delevelopment.

The irony in his death is that it was such an innocuous animal in the sting ray that did him in in the end. After playing with venomous spiders, snakes and man eating crocodiles, an animal which is relatively harmless was the one to take him out of the game. A tremendous tragedy.

Steve Irwin certainly lived a special life, the life that he wanted to lead. It's too soon though. Too soon for his young son Bob. His daugter Bindi. His wife Terri. They will have to come back to the Australia Zoo and look around them at the work there father has made possible. I hope that they will continue to work on the Zoo as their time arrives and continues his legacy of conservation and information for the masses.

I really liked Steve Irwin, even though I did at times think that he was just a sneaky hippie. He truly lived by his own rules, knowing the consequences of his actions, but measuring them up against possibilities. He was a great Australian. A great Queenslander. And he will be missed by many.

The Red Apron

Okay, so this weekend is just about over, and I think that I have made it. I was almost a casualty on Friday night, but I got there in the end. I got to drinking. I got to smoking. I got to talking about how I was feeling. I got home okay. It was a bit of a rough sort of a night, not a terribly healthy one, but that's okay. I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay.

Saturday was a great sort of a day. I was a little bit muddle headed when I first awoke, but that cleared reasonably quickly. I dropped Ria off at work in New Farm. While I was there I bought some iced coffee. When I was leaving the car park I saw the dude who has Lucid Laundry. He has a beautifully restored Volkswagen Beetle. He also had a beautiful female companion. I knew it was him because a few years ago when I was doing removals I moved him. I can't remember much about the job, it wasn't anything special. I just remember the guy.

After that I went home and watched some filmclips and did some washing and killed some time. I also drank some iced coffee. It was good. At around 11 I headed down the coast with my brother Stuart and Dean. It was a good trip down. Stuart played a song that I hadn't heard before, but it was one that I like alot. It's by The Knife and it's called Like A Pen. It's a cool song.

We went down to Burleigh and had a swim and it was great. I've been wanting to get down to the beach for the past three weeks, and I'm so glad that I finally made it. Immersing myself in the ocean is very therapeutic. I don't know what it is about the water. Whether it's a washing away of responsibility or a surrenderring of myself to the powers of the deep, but I find it to be very calming and relaxing. Using the force of the waves and ducking and diving really makes me feel alive and good. So it was good.

While I was down at Burleigh I considered getting my nipple repierced as something to do. I've been thinking about getting a hole in there again. When I first had it done it was a way of reclaiming some of myself back. At the time I wasn't terribly happy with the way I was living my life. I didn't feel as though I was being true to myself. The point that highlighted this for me was that I had the same haircut as my father. Although this may not seem to be a huge deal, it was for me. I didn't want to be like that. I'd forgotten who I was. So I did something for myself.

I was extremely happy with the nipple piercing and was happy to show it to all and sundry. I think that I even picked up the weekend that I got it. I had something in there for just over six months when it got infected. I took the bar out at that time and the hole closed over. It's been closed now for a couple of months and the nipple is almost back to its original shape. I thought that it might be time to get it redone though. Time to feel something real again. The pain involved with the process is something that cannot be escaped and is an essential part of the why I had it done in the first place. But when I walked into the tattoo store in Burleigh I took one whiff of the antiseptic and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get it done that day. I wasn't ready. I freaked.

So I didn't get a new hole in my chest, but I did have a very nice hamburger. Big Chief makes some great burgers.

After we'd had something to eat we headed down to Carrara for the 8th annual Bike Week. We had to park on a service road as there were that many cars and bikes. Walking in we had to be willing to be searched over with a security wand. It cost twenty clams to get in, which I thought was a bit steep, but it was a great experience. The biking community is one that is frowned upon by a large part of society, but it was great to see the strength and sense of brotherhood within the community. I guess that'll happen when you are shunned by the Everyday Joes. Inside there was bikes, bikies, booze and broads. And mud. The mud was horrible. Every step that I took I was in danger of losing the thongs that I had mistakenly worn. Apart from the mud though, it was awesome.

Some of the bikes on display were truly works of art. Alot of time and skill had been involved in their creation. I almost felt ashamed to look at them because of my naievety. I know nothing about bikes, apart from what I think looks cool. And some of the things on display yesterday were definately cool.

Other than the bikes, there was also a lot of biking paraphernalia. Helmets, gloves, bike covers, saddle bags, leather pants, jewellery, Jack Daniels. It was very interesting. I actually bought a skull ring which is pretty awesome. I like it alot. It's not quite a Phantom ring, but it's tough.

Eventually our time at the Bike show ran out. I did get to see some of the 12 Gage Custom show though which was pretty sweet.


Ha!

There is still a whole Saturday night and Sunday to tell you about. I spent the majority of this time with Ria which was totally sweet. We watched fireworks and ate pizza and slept in and yum cha and went to the beach and went to an adult concept store and came home and stuff. It was a great Sunday.

My brother Stuart has just come home. He has been drinking free beer. He is very drunk. Dirty Dave has told me that he spent fifty dollars (A$50) at a Caltex service station. All of this money went towards ice creams and biscuits and chocolates.

Ha!

A Kilo Is A Thousand Grams

I've been feeling a little bit out of sorts this week. I think that it's because I haven't been sleeping too well. I've got that feeling again too. You know, the one, where you want to get really fucked up and not give a shit anymore. I don't know if reading A Million Little Pieces had something to do with this. It might be the dreams that I've been having. I keep having dreams with my Mother in them, and they're kind of disturbing. Not like freaky weird shit happening all the time. They're just everyday situations and my Mum is in them. And then I wake up. And then I remember that she's not around anymore. And that sucks.

So this week has kind of sucked. I might need to get it out of my system. I don't know if I've got a chance this weekend. I'm going to a show tonight, a band called the Volty Strings. I don't know what sort of music they play, but I'm ready for it. Tomorrow night I'm heading up to Angus and Michael's place to watch the fireworks display, Riverfire. It should be fantastic. The view from up there is spectacular even without the fireworks, so I can only imagine how good it'll be. I might shit my pants.

Work this week has been pretty tiring. Whenever it rains the kids go feral. I guess it's because they have all this energy to use up, and they're not able to because they're locked inside all day. I understand how they feel. Sometimes you just want to run and yell. Rushing and rolling and reeling. Maybe that's just me?

Workwise I'm looking forward to next week because Kapila is back from New York. As good as the relief are, it's nice to have the old one two combination in there. Plus she's a whizz in the kitchen.

I think one of the other reasons I'm feeling a little bit funny is that I've been informed about the rule of three. Apparently with grief, it sometimes works out like this. The first couple of days are disbelief, and then on the third it hits. Then things settle down for a while and life goes on and then at three weeks you realise again that there's something not right. Then life rolls on again, and things get back to normal and then you're three months up and you realise again. This weekend is the third weekend. 3 Sundays ago my mother died and I was there. The Sundays since then I've been watching the clock tick down to 12:55. I look at where I am on that day, and then I look at what I'm doing then. It's a little unnerving.

So yeah, I guess at the moment I'm kind of dreading this weekend. I don't really know what's going to happen. These dreams have been upsetting me. I don't want to feel sad again, but I'm scared that I am.